Etiquette Q&A

In the latest issue of the knot Chicago (spring/summer 2009) I saw two questions that I am always asked in the etiquette q&a section (ask carley, p.12), that I would like to share that with you.

"Q: We're paying for our own wedding, but my fiance's parents want to know what the groom's family traditionally pays for. What wedding costs do they usually cover?"

"A: Today's rules about who pays for what are way more relaxed than when your parents got married. It used to to be that the bride's family took care of all the major expenses while the groom's family paid for the marriage license, officiant, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner and bridal bouquet. However, with more couples paying for their own weddings (or at least contributing in a big way) and many parents choosing to split up the costs, there are no steadfast rules. The only tradition that's still fairly popular is for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Keep in mind that if you do take them up on their offer to pay for any other details, you have to let go a little and give them some say in what's being picked." (the knot, ask carley, p. 12).

The second very common question that I am always asked is this:

"Q: We'd like to ask for cash gifts to help pay for the our honeymoon. Is there a way to include this in the invitations, or is it rude?"

"A: It's never okay to ask for cash gifts, or any gifts for that matter. If you are interested in something specific, your best bet is to register for it...Right now, more and more resorts, travel agents and other independent travel-related companies are making it easy for you to set up a honeymoon registry...Post your registry online, include the information on your wedding website or have your family spread the word." (the knot, ask carley, p. 12).

I know planning a wedding is expensive and the bride and groom want nothing more than money as wedding gifts, but it really is not proper etiquette to ask your guests for money. Allow the guests to give you what the gift of their choice. I suggest to couples to plan a wedding shower and a gift registry, therefore on the day of the wedding/reception more than likely your guests will give you money as a gift.

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